I used to think being loved meant being chosen. That if someone picked me—despite my flaws, my fears, my quiet insecurities—it meant I was enough.
So, for years, I settled. For half-effort. For unanswered texts. For being treated like an option instead of a priority.
Until one day, I looked in the mirror and saw someone I didn’t recognise—someone tired, unfulfilled, and quietly aching for more.
This is the story of how I stopped settling and started living.
The Relationship That Made Me Question Everything
He wasn’t a bad man. He just wasn’t the right one. He liked my ambition, but didn’t support it. He loved my heart, but dismissed my emotions. He wanted me close—but only on his terms.
At first, I thought I was being “understanding.” But looking back, I was simply accepting less because I believed I didn’t deserve more.
I thought compromise was love. I thought sacrifice meant strength.
But really—I was shrinking.
The Moment Everything Shifted
It wasn’t a big fight that broke me. It was something small.
I had a huge win at work—something I had worked towards for months. I called him excitedly, hoping for celebration. His response?
“Oh… that’s nice. Anyway, my day was crazy…”
That was the moment I realised: I deserve someone who claps when I win.
I hung up, cried, and wrote in my journal:
“This is not the life I want.”
Rewriting My Story: Real Advice From a Former Settler
1. Define What You Deserve
Write it down. Say it aloud. Visualise it.
- Respect.
- Kindness.
- Consistency.
- Support.
Your standards are not too high. They are a reflection of your healing.
2. Stop Explaining Your Worth
If someone doesn’t see it, stop trying to convince them. Their inability to value you is not your failure.
3. Alone Is Better Than Almost Loved
Loneliness hurts, but it’s better than being surrounded by silence, neglect, or emotional crumbs.
4. Make Peace With the Past
I forgave myself for the years I lost. For the times I begged. For the dignity I gave away. Forgiveness made space for growth.
5. Fall in Love With Yourself Again
I took myself on dates. I bought myself flowers. I kept promises to me.
That was the game-changer.
What Happened After
I became joyful again. Lighter. Free.
I stopped over-explaining. I stopped justifying.
I attracted friendships and experiences that mirrored my new energy.
I haven’t found “the one” yet. But guess what? I found me—and that was the love I needed most.
